Saturday, April 19, 2014

The thing about weight.


I can't step near a scale. Thinking about it brings fear to my very soul. It shakes my bones. The last time I stepped on a scale my heart sank, my tears stung, my throat tightened, and I felt completely ill. I immediately regretted my decision of stepping on that stupid piece of metal run by batteries that could have been smashed so quickly with one fierce stomp.

The thing is...gaining weight paralyzes me and it's stupid, because my weight has always fluctuated and I have always been okay with my body, but circumstances and life experiences and trials have eaten at my mind and sometimes I look in the mirror and I just hate what I see, but I love what I eat, but working out seems like such a burden during my already busy day.

I have always had exercise tendencies. I actually enjoy it after I do it. But I can't let it consume me anymore. I just can't...because it has been. And sometimes it doesn't even matter if Tyler tells me that I'm beautiful or if I read one more passage about divine nature and just being healthy and taking care of your body. Sometimes you just feel hopeless. Sometimes you feel like you are only working out so you can drop a you can fit into those skirts that you love so much.

And I kinda do right now. I feel that way. And I don't want to. I want to exercise for ME.

Oh how I hate scales and numbers and watching what I eat and going through the sweat, pain, and tears.

My mom tells me I can eat whatever I long as I exercise. She means completely well...I totally promise. She has never made me feel sick about my body. She has always encouraged me, but I'm surrounded by beautiful girls who hate their bodies and so I look at mine and think...well I must hate mine too.

There must be something wrong with mine too.

So what do I do? Well, I'm going to keep on living. I'm going to keep on trying. Sure, I won't work out every single day, I still need to figure that out. Sure I'll still eat junk and healthy things and whatever I please. But I'm still trying to figure myself out.

I'm trying to love my body. The hips, the stretch marks, the cellulite, the boobs, the rolls, the little pooch, the uneven skin, the not-so-toned arms. I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to love who I am. My body, my spirit, my health, and I'm going to be grateful. I have to be. I have to be, because being grateful actually works. It actually helps. I want to take care of myself, but I also want to love I will.

Let's love ourselves a little bit more.

Let's love our skin.

Here's a post that has really helped me. I read it almost every single day. I'm going to print it off and put it in my journal. I hope it helps you. It is beautiful.

+ s t a y // g o l d 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Eat // Mac N Cheese

Behold! The recipe to some pretty tasty Mac n Cheese by my madre. She's the greatest. And tastiest. You have to try this stuff. Also...forgive me for not taking good pictures...I mean. I'm not good at that shiz. Without further ado...

Mom's Mac N Cheese 


3 cups of Elbow Mac
2 cans of chicken broth
1/4 cup of flour
5 strips of bacon (or as many as you want...or if you don't want bacon you can choose whatever meat you like...p.s. you don't even have to use meat.)
1 block of cream cheese
1 cup of sharp cheddar (I used Smoke Gouda and a Three Cheddar blend for the pot I just made)
Salt and Pepper to taste
1/2 teaspoon of garlic powder
A squirt of dijon mustard or you could use 1/4 teaspoon of dry mustard OR you could leave the mustard out all together and add hot sauce or more garlic powder.
More cheese and bread crumbs (optional) for topping.

Now, this serves a family of six. I should have totally cut down the recipe, but Tyler gets really hungry so we managed.


  1. Boil the 3 cups of Elbow Mac in a well-salted pot of water for about 10 minutes. 
  2. In another sauce pan (I LOVE using my Bella Cast Iron Dutch Oven) 
  3. Pour one can of broth in a bowl, mason jar or whatever you have that you can mix in. Adfd the 1/4 cup of flour and whisk it all together until the flour has dissolved. Set aside. 
  4. In sauce pan, sauté chopped bacon until crispy. 
  5. Pour in the liquid that you just mixed together (the flour and chicken broth) 
  6. Whisk well until a thick slurry (gravy) has formed. 
  7. Add the block of cream cheese, 1 can of chicken broth, 1 cup of sharp cheddar, salt and pepper to taste, garlic powder, and dry mustard. 
  8. Whisk rapidly until the cream cheese has dissolved. 
  9. Taste for cheesiness and seasoning. Add more if needed. 
  10. Cover with breadcrumbs and cheese. To your liking of course. 
  11. Bake UNCOVERED at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until the cheese is brown and bubbly on top. You'll know when it's done. It should look like this! 

Put a HEAPING spoonful of this on your plate. Eat with chicken, broccoli, garlic bread, whatever you like we do for you.


+  h a p p y // e a t i n g 

+ s t a y // g o l d 

Monday, April 14, 2014

That playlist that gets you through...

We all have one. Here's mine. On a Monday. How novel.

1. Below My Feet by Mumford and Sons 

People, listen up. The lyrics to this song are absolutely gorgeous and the last minute of it could bring the hardest man to tears. It is so powerful and beautiful and intense. I love it.

2. Fare Thee Well (Dink's Song) by Oscar Isaac and Marcus Mumford

Are you even surprised that this is on here? You shouldn't be.

3. Black Flies by Ben Howard 

"No man is an island." 

4. These Days by The Black Keys 

5. Farewell by Alan Menken

Well of course something from Pocahontas was on here. It had to be. Like I can't even stop crying right now as I type this. Oh gosh...

+ h a p p y // l i s t e n i n g 


+ s t a y // g o l d